The history of my heart has a latest
chapter. One of exquisite love and ultimate horror. It's name can
only be called, pain. With death, and death, and new love and hope
dashed. Wings spread and soaring heights of love that fall and fall
and fall to a fiery burning depth. It was going to be the final
victory and it became the final torment. The depths of the mothers
torment and the wife's desire know only the rule of heart.
Salvation found and peace and joy
cultivated for nothing and lost, maybe forever? The sins of the
father, on the son are nothing compared to the sin of Eve on my
child. On my heart. A wicked indulgence to be so bold, so crass. To
question Jehovah, God, the only way to peace and the furthest fall
from grace.
The heart that finally found the
greatest love, that finally found the highest purest love and then
lost it. The heart that finally found the most exquisite peace and
the joy and loss, and loss and broken carnage of soul.
The heart polluted by the demon that
came in so many forms, the trickster. The lover. The death. The pain.
A beach, some wine and sweet sweet
promise of death yanked away. The fall of hope rising, and falling
and rising and falling again. Like a Ferris Wheel ride. My heart
could take no more of the dizzying heights and garish carnival
lights, looking down on the crowds of soulless mournful ants and wind
rushing through the iron spokes the roar of the wind, the hideous
musical joyous ride of a lifetime.
Where does one go to find such pain?
Arkansas. Florida. Anywhere it seems.
The history of my heart has not ended.
The history of my heart continues to unfold. With sickening hope it
blinks its moist eyes once again in the sunlight, in the morning
mist. It hopes, it breathes it refuses once again to die.
Three deaths are visited upon this
heart this life, pray it will not be four, pray it will be released.
Pray it is forgiven. Pray. Pray . Pray.
Pray the vine grow forth from my
fingertips, thru my pencil tips. Pray the vine with heart shaped
leaves will spread its lush green healing over the girl in the chair.
Pray the vine will carry the forgiveness of the light thru its
lifeblood to overtake the pain, to overtake the life and soothe away
the shame.
Pray the vine heals, the green love
spreads far and wide and covers the earth with hushed softness and
rainforest strength of the oldest and tallest and strongest.
Pray.
To Be Continued....
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